Tales of Slud: Prologue, Part 6 - The Rise of Pithar Bovine, the Bull of Darkness

Tales of Slud: Prologue, Part 6 - "The Rise of Pithar Bovine, the Bull of Darkness"

Way, way, way back (or forward) in the day, when The D.M. was still creating Slud (the Planet), and in fact, probably right after He had finished His sandwich, and just after He had sent the Comet against Slud (the Planet) which had wiped out His first living creations, The D.M. created a magical garden, called Jrinkin. Jrinkin was a lush and beautiful garden, and The D.M., of His will and His power and His thought, created many great and wondrous things to fill it, for life in the Universe beyond the Universe of Slud (which some of the more heretical among the Philosopher class have dared, from time to time, to name as the Universe in which the The D.M. Himself had been born and in which they have claimed that He dwells when He is not manifest within our own universe), was dreadfully boring, even depressing to Him, and He sought at that time to create an abode for Himself upon Slud (the Planet), where He could be surrounded by beautiful things.The Garden of Jrinkin, the paradise of The D.M. upon Slud (the Planet), particularly that paradise which is implied in the phrase "paradise lost", was more than 1000 times more beautiful and awesome than the rather mundane, somewhat boring paradise pictured above.

He created grasses both slight and tall, and covered the stone of the hills and plains with them. He created great winding rivers and pleasant little rapids and breathtakingly beautiful waterfalls that spilled gracefully down over stone cliffs, and allowed their courses to meander placidly throughout the domains of His Garden. He created all sorts of trees to fill His garden with verdant canopies under which He might find shade from the rays of the Sun, plus He knew that plants convert carbon dioxide, which is toxic to the respiratory systems of human and human-like creatures (of which, it could be said, He was one), into oxygen, which is necessary for those same creatures to breathe and thus to keep their cells alive, and He figured that if He were going to create life upon His world of Slud (the Planet), He should probably make plants in order to furnish that life with the air needed to breathe. As it was, He created trees of many different varieties, that bore the most delicious fruit ever tasted by the lips of creatures at all able to recognize taste. Seriously. It was good stuff. Any fruit you could find now, even the most delicious one you can possibly imagine paled in comparison to the the ones in the Garden of Jrinkin. There were plenty of animals there, too, species that today (whenever today happens to be) would be natural enemies, but who lived with each other back then in peaceful coexistence, their instinctual enmity calmed to rest by the peace of The D.M., who willed that they should not fight one another. The whole place was beautiful. Really. You would have loved it.

And in the very center of the Garden of Jrinkin, The D.M. created a Tree upon whose boughs grew very special fruit, perhaps the greatest fruit of all. For truly, it was the legendary “Tree of Godly Power”. Though other legends have at various times given that tree different names, including the “Tree of Consciousness”, the “Tree of Divine Wisdom” and the “Tree of Not Being a Total Waste of Carbon Dioxide”.

And when He was finished with his labor, The D.M. looked out over the Garden of Jrinkin, and He saw that it was good. Not quite as good as His legendary sandwich had been, but good enough, He supposed. Well, all except for one thing.

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Tales of Slud: Prologue, Part 4 - The Tragedy at the Grand Conclave of Swizarrine

Tales of Slud: Prologue, Part 4 - "The Tragedy at the Grand Conclave of Swizarrine"

     Now, after (or before) Joshua Calendar went freaking nuts, and the incredibly complicated count of Time started among human beings, the various peoples of the human species established in many parts of the world vast, centralized States, called “Empires”, where a few people ruled over a great many other people in a more or less hierarchical way, and the citizens of these Empires, like they usually do, innovated many technologies, and carried through those innovations with all the sorts of inventions and institutions that one might well expect to encounter within a civilized Society.

     At the urging of hirelings(often armed with a whip) under the employ of the aristocrats, theIn the centuries following (or preceding) the departure of Joshua Calendar, the Humans of Slud set to work building the works of civilization, the houses, the palaces, the public places, the parks and gardens and government offices. Vast amounts of backbreaking labor was required to build all these things. Naturally, the Peasants "volunteered". And, of course, they were all too happy to do so for free, without any sort of real compensation for their labors. Because they're peasants, and they just don't believe such nonsense like the heretical notion that they somehow deserve more. peasants of Slud built roads and they built schools and they built hospitals and post offices and universities and temples and concert halls. They built shops and houses and palaces and temples. They built farms and parks and harbors and ports. The peasants, of course, thought that it was really rather nice of their aristocratic overlords to allow them to help build all these things for the aristocrats and churchmen to own, and some among them were made particularly ecstatic when their turn came to be whipped by the taskmasters for not moving fast enough, or not lifting a heavy enough load. That is, the author has observed from time to time, precisely how peasants appear to react to the pains inflicted upon them by those who work far less for the betterment of society, but whom society tolerates and even embraces because they at least make a claim that they are “creating jobs”.

     It had been hoped (mainly by aristocrats, for peasants are, as all humans know, barely able to survive, much less have any leisure for such an abstract thing as a “hope”) that by the building of such societal infrastructure, the operation of society would be made more effective, but the

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Tales of Slud: Prologue, Part 2 - The Unfortunate Tale of Joshua Calendar, the Keeper of Time

Tales of Slud, Prologue, Part 2 - "The Unfortunate Tale Of Joshua Calendar, the Keeper of Time"

The Problem of Time: Whose Problem Is It Anyway?

Incredibly complex is time, in any universe presumably.  Even more incredibly complex by a factor of at least a hundred is the time which operates in Slud, our mixed up Universe. 

The solution implemented by the D.M., the supreme God beyond supreme Gods, the ultimate source of all life, almighty creator of our Universe as many believe, to solve the tremendous gaps in language, culture, technology, and general social understanding that had developed between human beings, however, was most certainly not very complex at all. Let's face it...complex is a bit beyond the abilities of our Almighty Creator. You know, because of the laziness and stupidity.

And because in our universe, God is both lazy and stupid, His solution was naturally to push the job onto someone else to take care of. That's just how the dice of The D.M. roll...

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